NO BLACKS ALLOWED: Should “RACE” be considered a preference when it comes to DATING??

Posted by Gabriel (G²) on November 21, 2007

To all of the readers,

I’m curious…..how would you respond to a question such as the one someone brought up on the issue of dating/race in a previous conversation I had:

I believe that it’s okay to have preferences when dating someone, but I’m not so sure that the “race” of a person should be considered as a “preference”. When you reject someone as being dating material because of a certain race, you’re in essence rejecting that entire race. For example, let’s say that I like men that are taller than me (this doesn’t take much!) and well built (meaning not skinny). Even if I reject those who are not taller than me and who are not well built, I’m not rejecting everyone in that entire race.

What do you think? Should race be considered a preference when dating?


Someone said “I don’t think it’s so much “rejecting someone as being dating material because of a certain race” as it is simply being attracted to people who happen to be of another race. It’s kinda along the same lines as assuming that a person is anti-White simply because they’re pro-Black. They don’t have to be synonomous. I find nothing wrong with it.”




Another had this to say:

If they run the race for the high calling in Christ Jesus, then it does not matter what wheir ethnic background is.

There were of course other comments. To post a few more,


Most of the responses seem to be treating the choice of a date in the same way as the choice of an employee. When we select an employee, we are bound by the rules of discrimination and no physical preferences are allowed (well in the UK they are not). Dating and marriage are not bound by rules of discrimination. If you like someone and they like you then you date them. If you don’t like them, you don’t date them. It doesn’t matter why you don’t like them, if you don’t like them then whatever the reason for your dislike, nobody can make you date them.
I came across an example of built in predjudices the other day. A man who lost his first wife many years ago, met a lady and they fell in love. The man is white and in his late 50’s and a Christian. The lady is black, in her early 40’s and a moslem (she was born a christian but became a moslem when she married her first husband). The couple visit the man’s very elderly parents who are Christians. The parents are a bit surprised that their son’s choice is coloured but even more surprised that he has chosen a moslem woman. A few days later, the elderly couple are visited by their parish priest and they start to express their disapproval to him. The parish priest butts in just in the nick of time to prevent the couple making a huge faux pas, to tell them that his wife is a black moslem
As a postscript: the man is my younger brother and the couple were married the other day. My elderly parents were saying how delighted they were to see their son so happy. Prejudices can be overcome with love. When it comes to dating and marriage, follow your heart not your head and certainly not someone else’s head.


. Refusing to date someone because of their height is just as arbitrary as refusing to date them because you don’t find their skin color attractive.

I think NHisMage is caught up on the idea that if someone refuses to date someone of a different race, it must be because they believe in segregation. In reality it may be because they only view their own skin color as “attractive”. I’m not prejudiced, I just think fair skinned women are much more attractive than dark skinned ones. Why would that not be a legitimate preference?

Ultimately, a racist will, on a personal interaction level, reject another race out of hand, often without even talking to them. Presumably, the racist considers other races to be “lower” than him/herself and thus not worthy of consideration. Such things should rightly be condemned. However, your OP has the unfortunate effect of lumping a lot of people in the racist camp who are not racists, but merely selecting as you do.

Lets take your “well-built” example. The genetics behind people who are naturally skinny (i.e. find it hard to put on muscle mass despite appropriate diet and training) are specific and in the process of becoming understood. Furthermore, if a person has a tall, slight build (i.e. narrow shoulders/ribcage), then they will always “look” skinny even if they do manage to bulk up a bit. In short, they can’t help it if they look that way, just as a person can’t help what race they happen to be in when they are born. The question you need to answer now is, “Why is one form of discrimination ok and the other is not?” Another question you should ask is, “If someone told me that selecting against short people was wrong, could I suddenly “choose” to find short people attractive?”

In my opinion, “race” is an irrelevant tag that has caused untold anguish throughout human history. You are unintentionally (and somewhat ironically) continuing this outdated thinking in your OP. You’ve done this by elevating certain physical features (presumably certain skin/hair colour/facial attribute combinations) and treating them as things that segregate people in to distinct “groups”. It might surprise you to know, but there is more genetic variation within the races than there is between them (and this variation is extremely small, as a species, humans demonstrate an unusual lack of genetic diversity, for which several theories have been put forward). In other words, you might be more genetically separated from a black woman in the Sudan than you are from the white guy who works in the gas station a few blocks from you. As far as selecting based on physical attraction goes, “black/white/chinese, etc” has as much meaning as “shorties” and “skinnies”.

I don’t deny that “race” often has distinct cultural meanings, and helps those within certain races identify with their roots (particularly in those races that have suffered prejudice and dislocation). However, when it comes to mere physical attraction, it’s best to leave this outdated term at the door.


PS: I should add to the record that I personally would have no issue dating outside my race should God lead me in that direction.


Going to a multi-cultural church myself (and the fact that all of my best friends have been consistently WHITE, as well as the fact that I went to a PREDOMINATELY WHITE SCHOOL & A HISTORICALLY BLACK COLLEGE, lol) I guess my perspective’s a bit different than most.

My two cents:

what’s funnier about it is the fact that my best friend is involved in an interracial relationship—-He’s white/Polish and she’s Black/Jamaican—–and I’ve learned so much from witnessing their relationship…….especially seeing that at first he didn’t consider her because of her skin-color and wanted to marry a “BRITISH CHICK” but was later encouraged by me to not consider race as the IMMEDIATE Preferance, for sometimes in doing so you inevitabely end up simply passing by something worthwile and before you even realize it/consider it, IT’S GONE.)
Though my friend immediate preferance was white/blond and he was considering that, thank goodness that that was not the END STANDARD by which he would evaluate a girl and choose to become involved with her, for he for his refusal to DO SO made it possible to go with what the Word says we all should be looking for in a girl/mate—-someone who pleases the Lord and who fit the REQUIREMENTS HIS WORD SAYS.

In my opinion (AND FROM A BLACK MALE PERSPECIVE, ), when it comes to RACE as a PREFERANCE, I think that there’s nothing wrong if you’re naturally attracted to one paticular skin-color/race AND would like to have that.

Personally, I’ve always had a thing for girls with long-hair, slanted eyes like Asians and a cream/caramel-colored skin tone…..and if I met a girl who had that as well as GODLY CHARACTER, I would consider possibly going with that.

However, seeing that I’ve always grown up in MULTI-CULTURAL ENVIRONMENTS (From going to a Non-Denominational Multi-Cultural Church to attending a predominately WHITE CHRISTIAN HIGHSCHOOL as one of the FEW BLACK PEOPLE THERE……and then later going to a HISTORICALLY BLACK COLLEGE,) and have had DIVERSE FRIENDS, I also have a tendency to swtich in what I’m attracted to/prefer as well!!! I’ve also had strong attractions to people who were WHITE, HISPANIC, and various other things………..

All that to say, MY PREFERANCE WAS NOT CONSTANT….and I realize that as Human beings, WE ALL CAN BE VERY FICKLE/SWITCH OUR ATTRACTIONS SO OFTEN………and as it was for me when all I knew were black friends/environment, sometimes my preferances cann be based on nothing else but what I’m currently EXPOSED TO, and when I take the time to find out/investigate, WHAT WAS MY PREFERANCE AT FIRST/SURE THAT IT WAS WHAT I NATURALLY WANTED CHANGED TO SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT……..AND I BEGAN TO SEE THE BEAUTY IN OTHERS THAT I HAD NEVER KNOWN BEFORE

So personnally, I don’t think race should be considered a preference when dating. Nothing wrong with having one, but surely not sticking with that at the expense of ignoring a girl who has all of the MAIN TRAITS we should be looking for because of the one factor of COLOR/RACE.

Race/Color, IMO, can be fit into the category of CHARM—TRAITS THAT FASCINATE, ALLURE, OR DELIGHT US AND THAT ARE A PHYSICAL GRACE TRAIT—-and when it comes for looking for a mate, I have to realize that it’s possible that all that can change and therefore SHOULD’NT BASE THE FOUNDATION OF MY CHOICES in RELATIONSHIPS ON THAT ONE THING.

Consider the the example of the Proverbs 31 Woman (Proverbs 31:10-31). I think that it’s funny that her strengh and dignity to be evaluated come from a result of her REVERANCE FOR GOD……and in a society where PHYSICAL APPEARANCE counts for so much, how surprising to see how her PHYSICAL APPEARANCE is NEVER MENTIONED—–HER ATTRACTIVENESS (and, what we should be attracted to as well, IMO) COMES ENTIRELY FROM HER CHARACTER. Likewise, when it comes to Dating, so should our PREFERANCE NOT BE FOR RACE ONLY but ABOVE ALL ON THE BASIS OF GODLY CHARACTETR……and again, if the girl or guy you’re attracted to has your NATURAL PREFERANCE when CONSIDERING DATING/COURTING, cool….MORE POWER TO YA…….…..AND IT’D BE INAPPROPIATE COMDEMING THOSE COUPLES WHO DON’T CONDSIDER DATING OUTSIDE OF THEIR RACE IF THAT’S WHAT GOD HAS FOR THEM.

Just my 2 cents on the issue…….and in case anyone would like some further information on the subject, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND INVESTIGATING THIS LINK (http://www.trueu.org/dorms/stulounge/A000000130.cfm), which is by a lady by the name of Denise Morris and has many INSIGHTFUL things to say on the subject since she it’s a subject that’s very close to her heart, since she’s bi-racial (her mom is white and her dad is black). Again, please check it out…….
Also, To anyone interested, I HIGHLY SUGGEST INVESTIGATING SOME OF LINKS I’ve provided on the issue of TRUE LOVE/COMMITMENT BEFORE CHoosing to Comment:

The articles themselves seemed to tie in MAJORILY with the topic of the post, which is basically one of ATTRACTION/CULTURE in my opinion, and I Just thought they might help to add some more “flava” (i.e. for those not familar with slang, that meant “Flavor” or something enjoyable n’ worthwile)…and I help that they may be of service.

Blessings, alright? Later………..


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